


This Is Our Last Dance

by PainsEnvying



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memories, Post-Time Skip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regret, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 09:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19082077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainsEnvying/pseuds/PainsEnvying
Summary: Chaos races and reigns in a tortured mind until divine intervention arrives.





	This Is Our Last Dance

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: Suicidal thoughts and attempt based on chapter 97 of the manga.**

Bertolt stepped out of the tent and stood next to Reiner, who was still sitting outside overlooking the landscape towering the outer wall.

Reiner looked up at Bertolt with a stoney face and slight frown. Bertolt's hair was slicked back, his own frown more prominent than the blond's. His olive green eyes remained focused on the sunrise before him.

_"It’s settled. There's nothing more we can do now. We're ending it all. And going home."_

Reiner uttered a soft almost inaudible scoff and looked forward again. He thought nothing of it. In retrospect, he should have. Something seemed different. It _was_ and yet it _wasn't_ him. A part of him told him something was wrong, yet it somehow felt right so he thought nothing of it in the end. He chalked it up to playing soldier for too damn long and hiding humanity's biggest secret for so many years.

"You really think you can fool poor, meak Bertolt by bringing up Annie again?!", a roar he never heard. "You're all still treasured friends. Which is why I'll kill you quickly," a promise he never heard. "Annie...! Reiner...! _SAAAAAVE MEEEE_!" a cry he never heard.

Reiner's mind raced yet practically no thoughts existed. He thought of everyone and no one at the same time.

His heavy eyelids were focused on the rifle in his hand as he slowly and carefully loaded it relying completely on muscle memory.

Yeah... all's been done... nothing more I can do... What else is there...?

 _"So, you're going to kill all the titans, huh?"_  his mind's eye replayed as the tip of the rifle settled on the roof of his mouth.

Reiner shifted in his seat a bit as one hand held a firm grip on the rifle's body, the other carefully shifting the heel so it would get in the perfect angle. It won't be over with in a minute. He shifted it just a little bit forward. Not in a second. A little bit to the left. A millisecond: perfect.

As soon as a cold finger settled on the trigger, Reiner jumped in his seat when loud smacks of tiny fists pounded on the stone wall outside of his room. He heard the unmistakable cries and whimpers of Falco as Reiner pulled out the rifle's barrel, thick strings of saliva trailing and keeping him connected.

He broke out into a sweat, panting, looking up towards the barred window.

 _Dammit_ , he thought. Reiner groaned and stood. He had no idea how, but he felt obligated to check on the boy.

So he settled the rifle carefully and neatly on the nearby table and left, dragging his feet out to prepare checking up on him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written almost a year ago when I was in a particularly dark place. Also inspired by David Bowie and Queen's "Under Pressure," hence the title. No intention to romanticize or glorify suicidal thoughts and attempts. Everyone deserves peace, joy, and love. I hope you have those who genuinely love, support you, and bring you up and that anything holding you back are out of your life.
> 
> Huge thanks to [bgmblues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgmblues) for being my beta-reader. We've been talking up a storm lately and was inspired to finally post this. Love you, friend!


End file.
